He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
