i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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