I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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