uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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