I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
