Just mADE A PArabola og urine
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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