Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
