This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
