i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
