You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
