Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Randomize
