And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
