I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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