i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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