it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
