I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
