porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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