he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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