Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You made out with two different species that night
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
