textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize
