I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
