You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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