I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
