end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
