Please, let me fuck your mom
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize