Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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