my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
