Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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