The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
