THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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