burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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