Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
