I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
you made out with another girl for some wings
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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