I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
