Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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