I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
