I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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