If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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