If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
