You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
