today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
