i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize