You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
