Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
