I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
