There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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