Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
