I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
