I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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