i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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