i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize