So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
