I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
