no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
