The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
