i think my tv is drunk
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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