we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
