A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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