If that was your dad, he is hot
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Actions speak louder than pants.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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