you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
