Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
