I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
