If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
zippers are such a cool invention
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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