Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
