is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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