i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
