Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
