I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
