you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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